The Next Scary Risk

Let's see, let's see. What shall I write about? Door Number One: My Airport Express not working and the Next Great Technical Hell Computer Challenge that awaits me. . . or Door Number Two: What I did last weekend?

Last weekend I packed a whole bunch of my kitchen stuff into boxes and grocery bags, and then carted it all over to Jack's house around the corner. This was the first step of my new plan, which is to spend the next four months slowly transitioning a big chunk of myself and my life over to Jack's house so that: 1) We can spend more time together, especially cooking and eating together, and 2) I can move the Writing Salon classes upstairs in order to rent out the downstairs to subletters, in order to save money that will, ideally, not be spent on gigantic medical expenses but will actually BE saved. . . and ultimately spent on either: 1) A down payment on this house someday, or 2) A down payment on some other house someday, somewhere. . .

This whole transition thing is going to be complicated, because I have lived in this cottage for almost fourteen years, I love it to pieces, I'm totally comfortable here, and I treasure my independence, privacy and solitude. The idea of living with my sweetie, or even SEMI-living with my sweetie, wonderful though he is, freaks me out, scares me, and just generally REALLY discombobulates me. I like my tub and medicine cabinet better than his. I like having my very own bathroom. I like the window over my stove. I like the skylights. I like my cat - what about my cat? Cats don't like Big Changes. In short, I like all the billions of reasons that make living alone preferable to sharing and compromising. As for the reasons that might make sharing and compromising worthwhile, well, I can only guess at them; I can't speak from experience (at least not within this particular realm). Which is why I have to jump in and give it a chance. I'm hoping I'll be happily surprised.

So. I see this upcoming transition as a huge risk, but I'm telling myself that it will be a great adventure. I'm also reminding myself that every big scary risk I've ever taken has turned out to be one of the best things I ever did. It's true. Examples: Moving to San Francisco with only $400 and without knowing anyone here or having a job waiting for me: I love it here and can't imagine living anywhere else. Choosing to have a baby when I wasn't married or even in a committed relationship: Having my son Will was THE best thing I ever did in this life; nothing will ever top THAT. Quitting my old job in order to start my own small business -  the Writing Salon -  even though I had never run a small business and had to use my credit card to get started: This was the first time I ever understood what it meant to do meaningful and fulfilling work, rather than just having a job to pay the bills.

That's it in a nutshell (big nut; mine always are). We shall see how it goes.

Comments

[harlan]

I was going to write "everybody's nuts are big" or everybody's got big nuts" but what I mean is Don't worry about it. You'll change J-Wacky's bathroom around until you like it just fine.

[msmush]

Now this is trite (I heard it on "Scrubs", I think) ~ even when the end results aren't as great as one likes, no one is ever sorry that she took the risk. That is certainly true for me...