Last night I got into bed at 7 p.m. and was asleep by 7:15 p.m. This comes from both the exhaustion and the exhilaration of dealing with a health crisis while also trying to do everything else that you normally do.
So here is the beginning of an update: On Thursday evening I had my phone consultation with the same doctor who consulted with me after my breast cancer diagnosis four years ago. He was a godsend then, and he is a godsend now. Dr. Mark Renneker. He does with me what no one else will do: engages in an informational, analytical discussion with me (not a lecture TO me or a one-sided talk AT me) about what is going on. He doesn't take the position that he is the expert with all the answers, speaking to a know-nothing who needs to just keep her mouth shut.
What we did was...
...go over the most recent pathology report from the D&C, word for word, phrase for phrase, line by line. Every step along the way, he stopped to define/explain any word that I didn't understand. If that led to questions from me, we discussed them (or sometimes, if my questions strayed too far from the main points, he made sure we got back on track and stuck with what was most important).
His "phoneside" manner was excellent because he knows how to establish the ground rules: that he is indeed a doctor with training and knowledge that I don't have, but at the same time he respects my intelligence and my role as someone who has chosen to be actively involved in all of my medical decisions and choices. I feel that I am being gently guided, supported, and also heard. There are even times when I say something useful (point something out, make a suggestion, reveal a piece of information that I dug up, mention a study) that he hadn't thought of or known about, and he will acknowledge and incorporate that, which makes me feel empowered.
Assembling the Pieces of the Pathology Puzzle:
#1: The phrase "suspicious for" is not the same as "confirms." It is not definitive. It is ambiguous. It means exactly what it sounds like it means — that more information and analysis is required before any final conclusion can be drawn. Cancer has not been ruled out, metastatic or otherwise. Nor has it been conclusively diagnosed.
#2: The phrase "disordered proliferative endometrium" is not uncommon in a D&C pathology report, and could POSSIBLY, in and of itself, explain why I was having the dysfunctional bleeding. In other words, this phrase does not automatically mean "cancer."
#3: The word "focal" isn't as good as the word "random." In other words, if the phrase been "random atypical cell infiltration" instead of "focal atypical cell infiltration," that would have been less "cancer'ish."
Oops, no more time. I have to get ready to make a trip over to the Writing Salon classroom to prepare it for two weekend classes that are starting today. Also want to go with Jack when he takes Olivia up to Bernal Hill this morning. Good exercise, good respite from thinking about cancer, good views, fresh air, many smiles when watching Olivia take off like a speeding bullet and run around through the grass in huge circles, ecstatic, every time as if this is her first time ever. She is the epitome of manifest joy.
To be continued...
It's raining today in Providence. We'll be home tomorrow. It's nice to hear you're getting information you can use from this marvelous doctor.
Posted by: harlan lewps | Sunday, November 15, 2009 at 04:49 AM